Much Too Much

I haven’t even begun to live life and it’s already too hard for me
Tryna do good, be right, you know, hold on to my Christianity.
But sometimes I’m just ready to give up
Let up and rid the struggle(s) shut up
in my bones.
Dull, almost dead is my optimistic tone.
Seems to me that the harder I try
The more I wonder why?
Wanna do right, but the world keeps shutting my out
Separate yourself from the world, yeah but I’m ready to SHOUT
‘cause It. Ain’t. That. Easy.
Believe me.
A devoted Christian am I
But these last few months all I can do is break down and cry.
Trying to do so much while keeping in touch
With the spirit.
Can you hear it?
I’ve gone deaf, I think
‘Cause I haven’t heard a word and I’m on the brink
Of falling.
I’ve been calling
Hoping -
Knowing that He’s listening.
But receiving…nothing?
Hello? I’m in pain.
Surprised I’m still sane
Can’t keep up with this game
It’s turning me lame
And I’m forgetting my name
Righteous.
The world is much too much.
These are the times that I most desire my crutch
Strong when I’m weak
But where is He?
Thought You wanted to mold me.
Why should I suffer with such a silence.
Did I not give You my heart?
Did I not give it all up to You from the start?
I am tired, weak. I’m draining.
I wanna be for You but I can feel my spirit fainting.
So save me O Lord. Come to my rescue right away.
Rest; tranquility is all I ask. Please, give my spirit to lay
That I may worship you with an ease,
That you might take away my pain, and instead give me peace.
Your Servant, Your Image, D.

by Dorlette Pierre-Louis